Alton: Make a chocolate dessert
Chef 1: Forgets chocolate
Chef 2: Can’t use their hands or use heat
Chef 3: Spends all their money making Chef 1 incorporate a bag of cheetoes
Chef 4: No sabotages, makes a perfect dessert, then in the last 8 seconds decides to add an entire lobster for some reason and is then cut immediately by the judge.

konduits:

creepturtle:

literally my favorite part of dishonored is that mission where you sneak into a costume party dressed as yourself and sign your own name in the guestbook and NOBODY catches on

#and all the nobility are like ‘haha you’re dressed as that guy that’s murdering all of us? hot’

ted allen: i’m so sorry, chef, you’ve been chopped. be well. do you need anything? a cup of coffee? a ride back to the hotel? here’s my number, call day or night. i’m so proud of you and i hope you are never sad again.
alton brown: give me back my fUCKING MONEY

buckbarrow:

do you ever have second-hand obsessions

like one of your friends is super obsessed with a thing so whenever you see something about it you’re like “YES THIS THING” but you’re not the one obsessed with it. they are. you know very little about this thing and yet it still excites you because it excites your friend

Victor Frankenstein: I have made a Monster.
Everyone: You fucked up a perfectly good corpse is what you did. Look at it. It’s got anxiety.

holmganga:

pragnificent:

bioticwarden:

Proof that miracles do happen

#you yelled at merrill didn’t you

Only one who has nothing to lose, and everything to gain, would commit such a crime. Yelling at Merrill will get you approval from both Fenris and Anders, even if you are an inch from rivalry, but at a terrible price. You have yelled at something pure and good to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment you raise your voice.

notreallysecrets:

I always think it’s weird when people are embarrassed by baby pictures 

being all oh no my mom’s bringing out my baby pics this is the worst 

but I’m like I peaked as a baby. that was my cutest self. I’m never gonna top that let’s only look at baby pictures for the rest of my life please