me: omfg ily i swear we’re like long lost twins or something your blog is my life

me: also what is your name

some door-to-door scammer when my parents aren’t home: are you 18?
me, turning 24 in two weeks: no sorry

something in a video game: *clips through the floor, leaves the plane of existence in some ridiculous fashion*
me, gently: it belongs to Todd now

Anakin: I have had years of training from the Jedi Order
Luke: I trained… for like 3 days with an out-of-practice old dude
Rey: What’s this fuckin glowstick lol

The Inquisitor: “I’mma micromanage the shit out of this position of power!”

The Warden: an actual responsible ass adult. Also, potentially the most powerful person in Thedas ever.

Hawke: *backflipping around the room while flipping everyone off*

Skyrim enemy : you’re Pathetic!!

Me, crying : i am

Millennials: *treats self to a nice lunch*
Baby boomers: If you would stop wasting so much money on non-necessities then you’d be able to buy your own house!
Millennials: *doesn’t spend money on non-necessities*
Baby boomers: WHY AREN’T MILLENNIALS BUYING FABRIC SOFTENER? OR DIAMONDS? THEY’RE KILLING THE PAPER NAPKIN INDUSTRY! MILLENNIALS ARE SO CHEAP!

Me: I’m a bad bitch! I don’t take shit from anyone! I’m not nice!
Also me: well I can’t just leave this cart in the middle of the parking lot. I have to take it to the cart return. I’m not an animal. Those employees work hard.