snarky speaks – Page 13 – Land of Sweetness and Light

adulthood is making cake batter and eating it right out of the bowl as you watch netflix mumbling You’re Gonna be Sick

so in my advanced fiction class we have to workshop each other’s stories, and this southern condescending mansplainer wrote a story about high school lesbians

the intent was almost good, but also included the most stereotypical high school girl talk, straw-feminist arguments that make feminists look like a joke including fake vegetarianism, and a lesbian confession that came out of left field and absolutely no mentioning beforehand of an Is She Straight Though crisis

God

my cat plays fetch with the drawstring she pulled from my hoodie but some amusing side effects:

– when she walks with it she has to waddle so she doesn’t step on it

– when she does step on it she falls flat on her gay baby face

– she also interrupts herself mid-jump by stepping on it and falls short of jumping onto things

– sometimes the string gets caught on the end of the bed and she yells at me until i reach forward and throw it again

spending 100 dollars on your cat is gay culture

do you ever experience such excruciating and relentless pain that you reach the Nothing is Real, the Mind is a Construct pain threshold and can kill a man with your gay baby hands

me, a lowly pizza delivery driver: it’s sunday in utah work should be slow

football: h-hewwo???

finally got around to sending my mormon church resignation eyyyy yooooo i forgot they hold your records Forever

i’m dying squirtle

the real insidious thing about executive dysfunction is once you know you have it there’s that tiny seed of doubt that still actively tells you you’re being lazy and wonders if you really do have the ability to get up off the floor or if knowing your diagnosis fuels the inability to move and this makes the situation worse

i got a writing bug in my brain and i wanna write i wanna write i have a plot mapped out and character arcs how about i play video games now