walk in with jello salad fuckery. am immediately greeted with, “We were just talking about needing jello!! This is so good!!” Thanks, it’s got mayo in it.

any attempt to look at my phone was greeted with elbowing from my mother and a demand to know who i was talking to. thanks mom, i’m 22, i can glance at my phone for the weather for the drive back if i want to.

got to walk a corgi!!! she’s six months old and her name is Winnie and she loved to scream

ate the wateriest corn i’ve ever consumed. it wasn’t even creamed corn. it was cold, freshly thawed freezer corn. c’mon, guys.

my grandpa loudly demanded to see a movie show. he was very angry we did not want to see a movie show. “there’s bohemian rhapsody,” said my cousin. this was met with tsks and shaking heads from my aunts who said, “oh, he wouldn’t want to see that Freddie Mercury… he was…” There was a Pointed Glance at me, the token obvious lesbian wearing a wedding ring which Nobody Commented on, “-he was um… a rock star… they do weird stuff with each other…”

loud angry yelling that now that Prop 2 to legalize medical marijuana in utah that “everyone’s going to be smoking dope on the street.”

my mom ordering me to grow my hair from the curly undercut swooshy haircut i’ve got going on into the bob i used to have before moving out because apparently, “I’m not her daughter” otherwise. It was said lightly but that still fuckin stings, y’know? I put a note in my calendar to make a hair appointment. Time to get the sides buzzed down to a 1, y’all.

my grandpa gave me a copy of the hymn he wrote forty years ago.i thought he just wanted me to look at it and handed it back. he put it back in my hands and shouted i needed it and singing it would put the spirit back in my heart. thanks, grandpa, but that’s where the gay thoughts go.