just-shower-thoughts:

At his maximum speed, Usain Bolt legally cannot sprint through a school zone.

chelidon:

me: man i love this villain

someone on the internet: awww noo poor small precious baby is not really bad, they didn’t do anything wrong, they’re just misunderstood :((((

me: you come into my house, you insult my trash evil child,

inhalers:

tips for flirting: carve your number into a potato and roll it towards eligible females you wish to court with

roachpatrol:

*whispers* i don’t want to work i just want to lie here and contemplate the void until someone gives me a thousand dollars

ewmartin:

crazy-jensenackles-fangirl:

so apparently people talk to their pets in baby voices, but when i see my cat i’m just like ‘hey brad’ and he’s like ‘meow’ and the conversation is over.

I don’t know why but for some reason the fact that your cat’s name is brad is hilarious to me

elexuscal:

Their stories: Amazing grammar, soaring vocabulary, beautiful imagery and prose which flows like a river.

In chats: no capitalisation or punctuation, swears like a sailor, misspellings everywhere, acronyms and abbreviations every five words, idek

spartalabouche:

suddenly seeing untagged nsfw on ur dash like