Tag: do the qute

amuseoffyre:

systlin:

helloitsbees:

earlhamclassics:

thoodleoo:

thoodleoo:

there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D

homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do
achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon
achilles’ player: *rolls a 1*
homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend

Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?
Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–
Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.
Achilles’ player: How many?
Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.
Achilles’ player: I fight the river.
Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.
Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*

Homer, the DM: Okay guys, so the war’s over, you had a bunch of losses but you won in the end. Time to go home, let’s roll to see who gets there firs—

Odysseus’s player: I got a critical failure.

Homer, the DM; “Ok seriously guys they’re not going to fall for the giant horse.”

Odysseus’ player; “I just rolled a nat 20 on my deception check.”

Homer, the DM; “What the fuck.”

Paris’s player: I’mma shoot Achilles

Achilles’ player: Dude, immortal? You want a dictionary to look it up?

Paris’ player: *looks Achilles’ player dead in the eye* I’m going to shoot him in the heel.

Achilles’ player: Are you serious? Tell me you aren’t serious? You’re going to shoot the one inch of non-immortal me?

Homer, the DM: Hey, it’s his roll he’s wasting.

Paris’s player: *smugly rolls and to everyone’s surprise including his own, rolls a natural 20*

Homer, the DM: Well, shit.

freaoscanlin:

jq37:

I’d like to believe that the reason that the Amazons have the most EXTRA fighting style in existence is because they’re a warrior people with no war to fight so instead of just doing basic training like normal people, Antiope is like, “And now I’m going to teach you how to BACKFLIP off of a MOVING HORSE,” because they have to fill their time somehow. 

#diana: why won’t you let me train as a warrior if we’re never going to go to war anyway? #antiope in the distance: LET’S TRY THAT AGAIN BUT THIS TIME ON FIRE #hippolyta: …i have my reasons (via @yesokayiknow)

phasered:

my favorite thing about au fanfiction the sheer range of it. how like sometimes the tag is like “alternate universe- they’re werewolf space pirates in charge of stopping their planet from being blown up by ancient immortal aliens from another realm” and sometimes it’s “alternate universe- chefs”