lollians:

anightvaleintern:

timemachineyeah:

What if by alien standards we are really cute?

And I don’t mean like attractive cute, I mean like baby otter cute. What if the stumble upon us and go “ohhhhh my god!!! Oh my god!!!! I’m dying this is- look at it! Look at them!!! Oh my god!!!”

We usually imagine having to come up with some Devils trade or unholy arrangement to get tech and trade with aliens, but the instant they see us the aliens immediately set out into conservation efforts. They’re like “their habitat is becoming harsh and unlivable for them! We have to save them!” And everyone just puts a picture of us next to this information and they all agree “Look at them! We have to save them!!” We become like the panda mascots of intergalactic conservation efforts.

Simultaneously, our main export is just streams, videos, holograms, and photos of us. Aliens lose their composure completely over videos of us sneezing or yawning or eating pop tarts or playing video games or taking care of our kids.

There are lines of aliens who would LOVE to have a human in their home or on their ship. It’s a little condescending (we’re not sure if we’re guests or well treated exotic pets) but still a good opportunity, and any human who wants can go to space at any time basically for free or even for profit, and the aliens will go out of their way to give you anything you ask for.

There are obvious downsides. We struggle to be taken seriously. While it’s usually shut down pretty quickly, every once in a while some alien group sees the demand for us and tries to start an illegal trade. But at the same time, it’s neat that somewhere out there is an alien (or usually a LOT of aliens) that would love you unconditionally, find every flaw and idiosyncrasy endearing, be worried about you and do anything they could to make you safe and happy. They work hard to make our planet and our personal lives better and don’t ask for anything in return. They just do it because they decided we are important and worth saving just for existing. It’s an odd relationship, and we’re not always sure what to make of it, but honestly it goes a lot better than we worried alien contact would.

I’m down to be a spoiled pampered alien pet.

ABDUCTIONS: EXPLAINED

the american high school experience

im-not-okay-im-a-fangirl:

  • million-dollar gyms but bathroom stalls with no doors
  • speaking of bathrooms, shit sayings on the walls, mostly along the lines of “fuck this shit”
  • stressed out anxiety-prone teens running on 3 hours of sleep and a shit ton of coffee
  • the Pacer
  • teachers saying “this isn’t middle school anymore”
  • broken air conditioning 
  • classrooms that either feel like the arctic tundra or the pits of hell
  • “wikipedia isn’t a reliable source”
  • a shit ton of standardized tests
  • “if someone dies during the final, everyone gets an A, so who’s gonna take one for the team?”
  • “if the teacher is fifteen minutes late we can leave.”
  • jeopardy
  • quizlet
  • the cha-cha slide
  • “mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”

heatherings:

iprayforangels:

heatherings:

heatherings:

heatherings:

heatherings:

heatherings:

i’m honestly in awe of how my parents still think i’m straight like heteronormativity is a hell of a blinder

me, watching the olympics: “wow laurie hernandez is so cute”

my mom: “isn’t she just adorable?”

no mom that’s not what i meant

me: [only refers to potential partners as “any future significant others”/“my future spouse”]

parents: haha i’m sure you’ll find a great husband one day

me: [paints the bi pride flag on my nails]

my parents: oh brooke i like that color scheme! did you do that yourself?

it’s like a sitcom

i would watch the hell out of a sitcom about a hella gay or bi chick with parents who can’t tell. she’s not hiding it at all and they just can’t tell

@cbs if you guys can give charlie sheen a sitcom for like a decade i can get a show right

depresseddisneyprincess:

Anxiety isn’t just being nervous

Anxiety is asking the same question 100 times because you’re scared the answer changed

Anxiety is not being able to breathe because someone simply messaged you can we talk

Anxiety is checking yourself 100 times in the mirror because you’re worried you have something on your face

Anxiety is not being able to go to ask to go to the bathroom because you’re worried you’re going to trip when going up to ask

Anxiety is feeling like you’re having a heart attack because someone told you you talked too loud

Anxiety is having your hand quiver because someone calls on you in class

Anxiety is not being able to speak because you’re scared you’ll say something stupid