So i almost hit a kid with my car.
I was driving through a mall parking lot and I guess the nearby school had just let out. Anyways this kid darts in front of my car and i slam on my breaks. And he dabs. This fucking kids automatic response to almost getting hit by my car was to just fucking dab. His last moments would have been a sick ass dab.
It was an out of body experience.
past me: canon is sacred I must carefully fact-check everything to make sure it is canon-compliant
present me: canon is a box of scraps in a cave I’m gonna tear that shit apart throw away 90% of it and out of the good bits build something absolutely beautiful and amazing
I actually was going to submit this one to @ao3tagoftheday :
“I’m one of the worst drivers I’ve ever seen. And I just want you all to know that if you’re ever on the highway behind me, uh… I hear you honking, and I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.”
Step one: Koffing
Step two: Cigarettes. A lot of cigarettes. Just fuckin. Stuff cigarettes down its gullet it’ll love you. Somewhere along the way rename it Aunt Sharon
Step three: There u go now your koffing is weezing. That’s definitely a second head.
my aesthetic is that one scene in holes where sigourney weaver paints her nails with rattlesnake venom infused nail polish and claws jon voight in the face
so I’m a pizza delivery driver and ten people today complained today that their pizzas were lukewarm which normally I would apologize profusely for
but it’s 2 degrees outside so literally these pies are ice cubes the moment they touch the air as I’m handing them to the customers so these people need to pull the sticks out of their asses before I start seeing splinters when they speak
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