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bootyisagirlsbestfriend:

benepla:

mlkjr:

foodiest-stims:

Funfetti Cake Batter Martini 

This is how ppl die from insulin shock and alcohol poisoning at the same time

if someone doesn’t make this for me and bring it to my bedroom door in the next hour ur all complicit in my depression

if you drink 10 of these in 10 minutes at exactly midnight you will ascend to a higher plane and speak with both god and the devil then wake up in a waffle house parking lot at 4:20 am with only vague memories and a sense of loss

(Source: https://www.instagram.com/)

person: THERES NO HOPE!!! THE DARKSPAWN WILL SLAUGHTER US ALL I KNOW I SAW THEM KILL MY FAMILY AND NOW IM GOING TO DIE MYSELF!!!!! NOTHING WILL RELIEVE MY SORROW
warden: (persuade) its ok
person: holy shit you’re right i was a fool

bemusedlybespectacled:

spiritednug:

z-nogyrop:

lovelylovelyartist:

theorynoodle:

mezzodical:

one round/action in D&D is 6 seconds so anything you could accomplish during a vine you could do during your turn

Rogue: “I’m back at it again at Krispy Kreme.”

DM: “Roll an acrobatics check.”

Fighter: I want to see my little boy

DM: roll a perception check

*nat 20*

DM: here he comes

bard: toss me my keys

*rolls a 1*

DM: i thought you said printer

Fairy: I still haven’t found my berries

DM: roll a perception check

*rolls a 9*

Fairy: BUT! *holds up an orange* I found this.

Druid: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand.

DM: Roll an intimidation check.

*nat 20*

DM: Poseidon quivers before him!

Druid: Fuck off!