aspiegirlnamedulia:

Rememants from bullying in school haunt you at the weirdest times.

I realized that I avoid interacting with something good a lot of times (people, situations, reblogging posts) because I think/believe that I will cause it to be not be as good anymore/tainted somehow because I’ve said it/reblogged it.

I think that I believe that I’m tainted. That I will only screw things up.

I’m not supprised when people don’t like to talk to me. Or hang out with me. Or have anything to do with me. I’m the weird one, I’m not worth hanging out with.

I think I developed a coping mechanism for being excluded or left out or bullied by telling myself “Don’t get your hopes up, its obvious you’re not worth it.

But breaking that is going to be difficult because it’s easier to avoid the disapointment by not allowing myself to get my hopes up. I doubt that this is healthy.

Am I worth it? Or am I the weird kid not worth anything?